In one of Seinfeld’s cold openings, when Jerry is doing standup, he talks about how purchasing condoms should be done through giving a knowing look with the pharmacist, who then places the goods into an opaque bag and rings you up.

It’s a clever solution to one of the most commonplace of problems.

At times, even buying tampons at a store has seemed easier because the narrative isn’t as interesting.
The cashier or other shoppers see you with the feminine products and make one of only a handful of essentially domestic conclusions: picking them up for your significant other because you’re whipped or picking them up for your significant other/sister/mother because you’re a good person.

Regardless, the unspoken question is “Why are you here buying these?” With condoms, it’s “What are you going to do with these?”

One of my friends at work was telling about how she was behind a man who was buying a pack of condoms and the cashier couldn’t get them out of the plastic box they were in. He made the most of it, though, making a few jokes about it before a supervisor finally came over to help.

It was then that it occurred to me that the condom purchase is one of those obligatory moments in life where anecdotes are plentiful. Continue reading →