It began a couple of months ago when I was talking to my mom about how I want to eat healthier.
I wanted a single, concrete way to feel that I had accomplished something and I decided I wanted it to be something I could give up. That’s when I came up with a “No-McDonald’s” plan.
It was easy enough. There are other fast food options out there if I needed a quick bite, but McDonald’s…I don’t know, have you ever just smelled a bag of that food? It smells like garbage juice, my dad’s affectionate term for the liquid that always seems to leak from trash bags.
I figured I would start weaning myself off of Mickey D’s during the final month of 2010 and then 2011 would fly by no problem. No worries, right? Wrong.
With the McRib back from its 2-year absence, I feel powerless against those arches. I hate it, but I have to embrace the McRib while it’s around. It’s a survival trait I’ve picked up over years of McRibs rotating on and off of the menu at that disgustingly gross restaurant.
So…new resolution: no sodas. This will help me out immensely! Between drinking sodas, beer and whatever else I can get my hands on to keep my liver busy, giving up sodas would give me a lease on my health, letting me at least FEEL like I’m making a single healthy choice even as I pursue my Flying Saucer immortality.
But I forgot and had a soda with lunch on New Year’s Day.
In fact, the only thing I’ve managed to remain consistent with in 2011 has been drinking some form of alcohol every night. Maybe that’s the way to go…365 days of alcoholic consumption? At least I wouldn’t be doing it in 2012 (It’s a leap year).
So now I’m contemplating a 25/25/12.5 plan, whereby I’ll do 25 hours of volunteer work, read 25 books and lose 12.5 pounds. Then, again, I could learn a new language…like American sign language or French. Why? Well because using fake sign language (as I often do) is offensive to people who know deaf people. Trust me, that was the final thing I learned in 2010.
But in the end, I’ve decided none of it really matters. I’ve gotten at least one year older every year since I learned to count, so that’s an accomplishment. I mean, it’s no Sharapova, but it’s something.
Which makes me wonder: Maybe our lives shouldn’t be constrained to calendar years, but we should look at the bigger picture. Why be vegan for a year when you could just be healthy for a lifetime? Why not try to limit my McRibs while learning survival French and enough sign language to ask what someone’s name is when I’m in a socially awkward situation?
Boom. I just blew your mind.
2011 is going to be awesome. It better, because it may be our last full year left.
But think about it…isn’t that how we should live every year?
What are your resolutions…not just for this year, but for this life?